Praying + Waiting for your Future Spouse
In high school, I chased after relationships in hopes of feeling loved, valued, and attractive. But after three months, each of those relationships ended and I was dumped. Yep. I was left feeling more broken, hurt, and unworthy.
I thought there was something wrong with me. Why did I keep getting dumped? Was it because I was ugly? Was it because I wasn’t good enough? What was wrong with me?
These thoughts consumed me. As I was getting ready to leave for college, I went in not really expecting anything. I went on a couple lunch dates, but nothing serious.
After failed relationships and finding myself always hurt, I decided it was time to make a promise to myself and to God that the next person I dated would be my husband.
I was only nineteen at the time, but I realized that the guys I was “dating” were leading me to destruction, and not to the cross. So, I waited. And waited. And waited.
I did this for five months. For five months I was committed to praying for my future husband every single day. I asked God for the type of man I wanted and asked God to prepare my heart for the next guy. I met John shortly after at church four years ago.
Waiting was one of the hardest things for me. Especially because all my other friends were dating or in serious relationships at the time and because I was always with someone. It was hard to not just settle for relationships or a dinner date along the way. It was hard to surrender my relationships to God and to trust Him with exactly that.
Throughout those five months of dedicated prayer, time reading my Bible and spending all my free time with God, I was reminded that my identity wasn't found in relationships with guys here on earth, but it was found in my relationship with Jesus.
The more I chased after Jesus and got to know Him, the more I realized HE gave me everything I needed: love, attention, joy, comfort, wisdom, affection, and hope.
I love my husband so much and reason being is because John gives me a glimpse of Jesus each day. He’s patient with me, covers me in grace, listens, serves me and loves me unconditionally.
To this day, I will catch myself putting John in replace of God — I will turn to my husband for love, attention, appreciation, affection instead of looking to God FIRST. God is the Only One who will fill these desires of our hearts.
By no means are we perfect, but we serve a perfect God who loves us despite our imperfections. The two of us are going to continue to love each and point each other back to God. Because that’s what it’s all about. This is our hope. Our prayer. And our devotion to each other and to God.
So ladies, if you’re looking for love, it’s already been given to you. It was given to you on the Cross when Jesus poured out his blood for you and died the most painful death. He did it knowing that you might not love Him back. And that, is love. It’s a love that we will never be able to experience here on Earth, but God DOES give us a glimpse of this love when we are with a man who loves us unconditionally just like Christ does.